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Archive for November 22nd, 2007

Oh crap, England are playing multiball

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Motson: “It’s been a weird group”, Lawrenson: “It keeps getting weirder”

In October, when the All Blacks played France in the Rugby World Cup, I had a bad feeling. I just knew we were going to lose, especially after England beat Australia, something had gone horribly wrong. After the historic loss, the NZ Herald said the ABs had joined an elite group of losers, cosying up to, amongst the anti-heroes, the English football team.

Last night, when England were 0-2 I knew they’d come back too, if only Beckham was on the pitch. Every team needs a talisman and I was right, even Scott Carson started making saves in the second half, hurray for my killer instinct I thought – then Croatia scored again.

Now I’m not a football expert, (doesn’t stop me normally), but I realise tensions are high, so I won’t comment on the game just the TV spectacle that was, England vs Croatia. Here are my highlights:

79mins – “It’s desparate for every Englishman” John Motson has been watching too much Flight of the Conchords… They’re so crap. They’re so crap they’re making me sexist.

2nd half – Steve McLaren finally gets onto the sideline and starts yelling. Some may mock his umbrella, but I understand, you really don’t want to lose and be soaked, that makes for an image in the nation’s mind that will affect future management offers.

The pitch – one Croation player slid, with superman arms, into the goal when his team mate kicked the ball wide. That was, hands down, the best slide of the night, better even than Sol Campbell’s full on slide ride off the pitch

85mins – Motson: “Say something. Say something Mark!” Lawrenson: “can’t”

14mins – Motson: “You can’t believe what you’ve just seen”

Half time, McClaren strides down the tunnel. Motson: “He’ll be asking questions”, yeah, like where the hell is Venables? In the second half, the BBC lingers on the management teams receding hairlines “you can see the strain” which is being polite, as Venables is pulling a man-eating dog expression, vampirish even.

Tonight has to be the worst Lawrenson commentary ever. He didn’t speak for the first 7 minutes of the second half, and sulked for the majority of the game.

When Motson asks him what’s going through Carson’s mind, he mutters, “It’s hard to say”. I can understand why they’ve banished him to commentary, but surely this is unfair for Motson, “Mark, take some of the pressure off” – who ended their stint with “unbelievably for me, it’s England 2 and Croatia 3”, which must be evidence of stress.

Written by Victoria

November 22, 2007 at 3:14 am

Posted in TV