tv dinners

watercooler chat about what’s on TV and what you had for dinner last night

Archive for June 2008

Snog, Marry, Avoid

leave a comment »

Well you know what? There’s not much to say about the TV I’ve watched in the last week. It goes like this..

 Sex and the City

I’ve not seen the film yet (and don’t want to watch a pirated version thank you, no fake Fendis for me) so the lull in prime time tv (by that I mean 10pm onwards) has meant I’ve hooked into the triple bills of SATC, season 3-4 on Paramount each weeknight. It’s the Aiden/Carrie cheating with Big/Charlotte marrying Trey story arc at the moment and I love it.

 Snog, Marry, Avoid

Jenny Frost hosts this weird make’under’ show where the nation’s fake-tanned, eyelinered and primark bedecked beauties stand in front of a screen, where a female voice ‘Pod’ (Personal Overhaul something) asks them questions about their self image interspersed with questions like,

Would Men want to buy you.. Dinner, Jewellery, A Kebab.

99% say Kebab

“Wot really?!” 

At the end of this humiliation the victim is asked how many of the people surveyed would snog, marry or avoid them. Of course it’s all avoiders, haters, so they consent to the Full Make Under.

What I can’t really convey here is how boring the show’s format is – for all the snide laughing at the OTT tanned ones, the Pod voiceover and strange eighties graphics take up way too much time.

After taking off their makeup, the girls are declared natural beauties, “sexy but classy” and Jenny Frost catches up with them three months later, chatting about how harsh Pod is, have they kept up the minimal make up, well actually just avoiding acres of fake tan and wearing clothes that cover them, no extensions, no Jodie Kidd blonde hair colour is the regime. This is addictive, and can’t be as bad as Big Brother, which you couldn’t pay me to watch.

The Soup

This Saturday is the best 20 clips this year so far. Enough said. E! 11pm

Advertisements

Written by Victoria

June 26, 2008 at 7:41 pm

Posted in TV

Tribal Totes

with 2 comments

So the Apprentice is over and the only thing to watch on Sunday night is Brothers and Sisters on E4. What is the world coming to? I even found myself watching a repeat of Ray Mear’s extreme survival in Belarus!

Mary Queen of shops

There’s a pretty standard theme to this series, even if the shop keepers in this series so far have been nasty and bullish. Mary Portas, fashion guru, visits the shop, which is about to go out of business.

Copyright, maryqueenofshops.com 

After slagging off the exterior and interior, all justified, she meets the owners and starts the lessons:

  • Be aware of trends (could involve going to a fashion show, otherwise read fashion mags like Marie Claire, or at least Grazia for god’s sake)
  • Define who your target audience is, don’t try to appeal to everyone
  • Be able to style your customers – boutiques need to offer a personal stylist service
  • Visit successful high street/fashion stores and steal their ideas for merchandising and store layout/presentation
  • Buy collections in advance of the season, developing relationships with key small labels
  • 90% of the time, change your name

 See? I just saved you an hour of Mary Portas’ yelling at some poor delusional Al Fayed wannabe. It’s good yelling though, I wouldn’t miss it and rarely does it descend into the embarassing or naff, like most makeover tv. In fact it’s worth watching just to see what Mary is wearing herself.  All BBC need to do now is let us nominate shops for mini Mary makeovers in particular areas! Check out her website and find out which tribe you belong to.

Written by Victoria

June 17, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Posted in TV

Feeling bitter?

leave a comment »

Lucinda was looking slightly malevolent in her beret in the You’re Fired audience on Wednesday, trying to steal Helene’s thunder.  All a bit depressing really with Alex, who has been just as destructive and unhelpful and moody, being joshed and not really challenged for that behaviour, Helene was strung up for her bad moments, Victoria Wood and Amanda Patel both scolding her for being a bitch in business, the only nice thing they had to say was “Oh you looked very beautiful in your pant suits”. In Helene’s own words, “Pot ..kettle.”

So Lee has won. This is the first time in three years I think Sir Alan has made the right choice. I’m speechless. What on earth am I going to watch next week?

Written by Victoria

June 13, 2008 at 7:11 pm

Posted in TV

Will Sir Alan buy this?

leave a comment »

If you’re eagerly waiting for tomorrow’s finale of the Apprentice, you should watch this clip of Lee (should I say Austin Powers?) directing a ‘love scene’. Priceless.

Maybe Sir Alan can decide he can’t decide, and we can have a couple more weeks? Please?

The only other hope is that Lee might win, Sir Alan shares something with him – the strange habit of talking about yourself in the third person, as on Why I Fired Them/or Kick them while they’re down, where Sir Alan mused on why he let Michael Sophocles stay for so long, “even Sir Alan gets it wrong sometimes”. Lee McQueen would understand, I’m sure.

Roulette - will Sir Alan be buying it?

Written by Victoria

June 10, 2008 at 10:29 pm

Posted in TV

Location really does speak volumes

leave a comment »

www.channel4.com/4homes/ontv/location/

Location, location, location / Kirsty & Phil’s property guide

Don’t you hate it when your favourite TV presenters start getting worthy?

In last weeks Location x3 Kirsty and Phil were house hunting for ‘funky 25 year old Zena’ and another fussy couple. The format in the good old days was so much better, Kirsty and Phil need each other to really be charismatic and although I’m sure we end up seeing more, if not the same number of houses we used to, somehow I feel chopping and changing between the two buyers means more catch up; people looking in estate office windows, grumpy faces, Phil being exasperated, Kirsty in a stylish coat, her shoes, a busy street, meet this couple again and again, after each ad break..

I really want to see the houses and Phil needs to win back his early days gravitas – the bad jokes from Kirsty need to stop and trying to bring politics into the show is just insane, plus unwelcome. Trying a Jamie’s Fifteen or Hugh’s Chicken Run campaign, Kirsty and Phil are convinced they know how to re-classify stamp duty, and so we get Kirsty on the phone trying to get the Housing minister on the phone, don’t they know who she is!, and in a voiceover from Britain’s 91st sexiest woman, “You may have heard I’ve been working with the Conservatives on housing policy, but this isn’t a party political issue, it goes beyond that”. Sure, I believe you.

Phil seems to be overrun by Allsops even more in the new More4 Kirsty & Phil’s Property Guide, meant to be an opinionated look at the market from our experts. Boring! Unless you’re a real estate agent or want to spend time looking at Sofie Allsop and trying to work out how she manages to look exactly like Kirsty but is actually quite different, there’s not much that’s scintillating about this new, very local news style show. I wanted to like it, but frankly it’s even worse than Escape to the Country – no-one buys anything so there’s no drama, I guess that’s why it’s on More4, it just wouldn’t survive on 4. The only part of the show I’m glad I watched was Kirstie talking about her ‘smart metre’ which senses how much electricity your house is using, and becoming so obsessed with it that she interrogated guests at New Years, “Did you blow dry your hair this morning?”, but then she ruined it by making a weird joke about Phil in a bath. Stick to Location x3 and let’s hope they drop the stamp duty campaign.

Written by Victoria

June 10, 2008 at 10:17 pm

Posted in TV

Beret withdrawl?

leave a comment »

What’s the bet that next Autumn the city streets will be full of vividly coloured beret wearing young capitalists? If you want to get in quick they’re still on sale in Monsoon.

So of course it’s the demise of Lucinda, snake in the grass Alex telling Sir Alan Lucinda didn’t want the job after all, giving Sir Alan the excuse he wanted to get rid of the ‘zany’ one.

www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/

The interviews looked harsher than normal this series; of Sir Alan’s interview hit squad, Claude Littner in particular was ridiculously het up trying to give Paul Kelmsley a run for toughest interviewer. Karren Brady, new to the panel, outshined Bordan Tkachuck so we hardly saw his questions. Sir Alan thanked her for her giving a ‘ladies’ point of view, which thrilled Margaret, I bet, who on the whole seems more ladylike than KB.

So how did they do? Alex was appalling, so defensive and labouring each of his 24 years, in You’re Fired Michael McIntyre ripped into him; “Don’t say Hello to me, I’m 24!” Lee fell into revealing the lie on his CV about his education, but in the end everyone agreed that wasn’t really such a bad thing and that everyone does it. Claire did well, talking too much for Bordan but charming the others, even finding something to love in Paul, “I’d suck his lips off”. Helene was calm, apart from her ‘gobshite’ remark and her inner strength was really noticed by the interviews, Claude and Karren even trying to highlight it to a disinterested Sir Alan.

McIntyre was brilliant on You’re Fired, actually funny which is rare for a panel guest and Lucinda, quiet and trying to maintain dignity wasn’t really the focus of the show – instead we relived the akward interview highlights for the remaining four, and talked a little about Lucinda’s clothes, her berets are almost like the Rachel haircut, overtaking her character. So there’s one week left and it’s Claire/Lee vs Helene/Alex. So basically, Claire vs Alex then.

Written by Victoria

June 5, 2008 at 2:17 am

Posted in TV

TV Vitamins

leave a comment »

So we’ve had a couple supplementary shows to compliment the finale of season four of Lost, and the upcoming final of the Apprentice. Lucky us, beats a re-run of Michael Palin’s new europe though, right?

Lost – The Answers are Here

Well it’s a poor man’s attempt at creating hysteria if your narrator is Iain Lee (sorry, I can’t forgive him for butchering the UK version of the Soup, what a travesty). In-fact, ‘The Answers’ was the same show Sky make every year at the end of a Lost season, with the same tired ‘celebrities’ professing their love for the show; “I want to run my fingers through Sawyers dirty hair”, “I’d use the black smoke to kill all the bitches in Soho” without showing the nerdy integrity of a real fan. Supposedly ‘The Answers’ was going to show us Lost creators, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse’s answers to our questions about the show.

But no, one question was Who does the hair and makeup? …seriously, no-one asked that, it’s a TV show. Others were about the Black smoke monster, is Ben good or bad, and finally, what all the celebs want to know is, “What happens in the end?” … again seriously why bother asking that? They could have gone for – What inspired you to create the Dharma Initiative? Why time travel? Give us a clue for who dies in Season five….but hey, it didn’t make me like Lost less, it just made me wish we could have a Claudia Winkleman hosted show like BBC did for the first season of 24.

Verdict on the season finale of Lost – 5 Stars. *Spoiler* They moved the frickin island and Sawyer jumped out of a helicopter, Sahid killed some more people, Juliet is drinking Dharma rum, Locke is dead with a new name and Jack’s back listening to the Pixies.

The Apprentice – the Final Five

Well after watching this I like all of the remaining candidates more.

I wonder if the candidates know their families have shared all their childhood photos/videos? Did anyone else think Claire’s Dad, who Claire’s Mum thinks is quite Sir Alan-ish, looked asleep for most of their interview? Helene’s mentor looked unemployed too, which was disturbing.

Looks like Lee has lied on his application about his degree, or at least spelt things badly. So, will Sir Alan let him survive that, or will he be flying home doing his reverse pterodactyl impression?

BBC.co.uk/apprentice - Lee McQueen is disturbed again.
Most unlikely to survive an interview with Sir Alan: Lee, Lucinda.. ironically I think one of them should be in the final though. Check out the BBC site for preview clips of tonight’s episode.

Written by Victoria

June 4, 2008 at 8:31 am

Posted in TV